upload : 2007_05_06 2007_04_26 there's a cute little monster in the mirror that mimics me. it makes funny faces and silly songs about the end of time and how freedom lies. "i am the beginning." it repeats more convincing than soda ads in dusty places. "but who's beginning is it?" "it's yours, we did it for you, for the future." i bend a broken ear forward in time but hear nothing. it won't talk, it can't. or maybe it is saying something but damn monster won't shut up long enough for me to hear. i'm lost, i'm losing. my form diluting in the blinding light reflected. monster thinks faster than I can, at times brilliant but burning like a scientist dissecting the soul, or that southern style whiskey. i'm always two steps stuttering. fumbling like our connection solid like the time that has passed between. thirty wonderfully wilted something years little monster tamed me well says the eyes on my back that watch me carry the weight and the worry like religion. nothing i do is something i do. whatever it is i want it. i mean, i'll take two, i mean, what is it called, liberation? is it promise or threat or desire or funny face and silly song. what? louder, i can't hear. you want out or want me in? no, i'll free you! desperate for ignorance i reach in to reach out but my hope breaks the disconnection. a million knives outline the cracked, misshapen, true image, of this the raw imaginary real creature. and my blood traces the history that brought us together that split us apart, and everything is affected and nothing has changed. but the well of me now understands that the monster is not so little after all. entries contact